Another one of those happy endings....at least for the time being

When boys and girls are abused sexually, be it within their family, trafficking, rape, or sexual exploitation for commercial purposes, one of the consequences that we see very often, is the very high sexualisation of that child.

A girl, for example, who since 12 years old has been raped frequently and forced to have sex with multiple men in order to not be beaten up, has learnt, tragically, to hold next to no value to her own body, and to see sex as a way to survive.   This means, that when kids come to Casa Alianza’s residential centers, after having suffered in such horrific ways, we have to find ways to help them learn handle their sexuality and once again value their bodies and themselves, to no longer feel obliged to have sex with someone, in order to survive or just to be recognised.  

Isabel is 14 years old (names changed as always), she has been abused, raped, and forced to work as sex worker.   Severe poverty meant her mother was also working in the same fashion.  She now has very limited contact with her family.  Since Isabel came to Casa Alianza she has faced extraordinary problems.  On many times she has expressed desires to take her own life, she has injured herself, and the over sexualisation is a common feature to her behaviour.

During the Christmas period Isabel was finding things very tough.   She felt restrained and restricted and wanted to get out.  We all did our best to help, and I remember speaking to her on December 30, as we prepared to bring 2011 to a close, hoping she would see the benefits of staying at Casa Alianza. 

But things did not work out as we hoped.  Isabel had made contact with a guy outside, an adult, around 30 years old, and on New Year’s Eve, just after dinner she snuck out.  Witness later told us that the man had been seen lurking around the outside of Casa Alianza, awaiting Isabel’s escape, and no doubt had found a way of contacting her, and making sure that she would leave.  

When we received the news, relevant enquiries were made and the police was informed.  A few days later we found that Isabel was staying with her grandmother.  It was a relief to her she had managed to get away from what would almost be certainly further abuse and exploitation and had made it to a safe place.

Last night, however, as I was preparing to leave work for the day, Isabel arrived back to Casa Alianza.   I did not need to ask questions.  I knew, and I was delighted to see that she had made the decision to come back and make the most of all the care and support we try and offer. 

It is, for the time being at least,  a happy ending.

There are a number of reasons why I wanted to share this story.  One is to stress how very complex the psychological situation is for a child or teen who has been abused.   They are often expected to be shy and withdrawn, and so the over sexualisation can often take people by surprise and lead them to make the wrong decisions.   The other reason is to stress just how very difficult it is for boys and girls who have been abused and have had their confidence and self-worth shattered.   As this article is stressing, it may look like they are fine, but it is vital to look beyond the surface, and to do our best to see what is really going on, and in spite of all the difficulties, keep doing all we can to help, protect and support. 

Two new additions to the Casa Alianza family

In my last entry I wrote about the somewhat bittersweet nature of spending my second Christmas here with the kids at Casa Alianza, the enjoyment of being with them, but at the same time, the difficulties for the kids with no families or safe places to go during this time.

This Christmas, however, something a bit special happened.  Two of the girls living at our protection center for teenage mothers, gave birth.   The first happened on Christmas Eve when Sofia (as always I am changing names) gave birth to  a baby boy.   Three days later, on December 27, Helena also gave birth to a boy.  

Both of these girls are 16 years old, and have been the victims of various abuses including rape, sexual exploitation for commercial purposes and violence and sexual abuse by members of their own family.  They have suffered unimaginably, but at the same time, they have shown remarkable strength and resilience over the last few months. 

I truly hope that the new life bought into our community will have the chance to grow and develop in a healthy and sustainable way, and never have to face the same difficulties that their mothers have gone through.   This, therefore, is a short but happy entry.  Sadly some less happy things have happened here during the Christmas period as well, which will feature on here shortly.

But for now, I will leave it at that.   Through all of the opportunities Casa Alianza hopes to provide to these two girls and their children, providing education, support, activities, unconditional love and absolute respect, family reintegration etc, will be able to ensure that these two newly born youngsters are able to get the healthy and happy childhood that every child deserves.

A very happy new year to you all.